The Power of Positive Speaking
Devotions for Growing Christians
The Power of Positive Speaking
Philemon 10 - I appeal to you for my son, Onesimus.
Read the one-chapter book of Philemon.
Question: Is friendly persuasion biblical? Answer: It depends on what kind of friendly persuasion! Blackmail, white lies, insincere flattery, and any other kind of unethical arm twisting or manipulation are certainly not biblical. But positive speaking, if it is not used for selfish reasons, is biblical. It’s friendly persuasion.
What do we mean by the term, "positive speaking?" Positive speaking is saying nice things to people about themselves. It does not nit-pick or point out a person's shortcomings to them. Positive speaking goes the extra mile to search out and find a person's positive qualities for the purpose of encouraging that person. It remembers positive things about a person that everyone else has forgotten, and brings out these memories at appropriate times.
Positive speaking does not invent nice things that are not true, but it works hard at emphasizing what is truly positive about a person, even if that’s minimal or taken for granted. Positive speaking is biblical, and it’s a powerful form of friendly persuasion, because when positive speaking is used in the right way, it can definitely motivate a person to do the right thing.
The apostle Paul's little letter to Philemon, a 1st century Christian, is an outstanding example of positive speaking and friendly persuasion. Throughout his letter to Philemon, Paul was involved in positive speaking. Paul wanted Philemon to take the right course of action about a Christian slave named Onesimus. Although Paul, as an apostle, could have ordered Philemon to show mercy to Onesimus (v8), he appealed to him with positive speaking. And it certainly wasn’t done for selfish reasons, so it’s a biblical model that we can follow when we need to motivate people to take the right course of action.
Background
Philemon was a well-to-do Christian who lived in the small town of Colossae. In fact, the church at Colossae met in his home (v2). Onesimus was one of Philemon’s slaves. Like many slaves did at that time, Onesimus ran away - and he may even have stolen money or goods from Philemon in the process (v18). We can imagine how angry Philemon must have been! He could only hope for the capture and return of this thief. In the Roman Empire of that day a runaway slave could be put to death, so the idea of completely forgiving a runaway slave would have been unthinkable, even to a Christian master.
Onesimus traveled about 1000 miles to Rome, where he could easily get lost in the crowds of the big city. He had no idea that God would find him there! We don't know all the details, but it "just so happened" that Onesimus crossed paths with the apostle Paul in Rome! Coincidence? No way! Even if Paul had known Onesimus from his former contacts with Philemon, their meeting was all part of the plan of our sovereign God, who "works all things after the counsel of His will" (Ephesians 1:11). We can be sure that nothing happens by “chance" in our lives. God is in complete control of all the details even though, from our perspective, it may look like a coincidence.
It wasn't long before Paul, who was under house arrest at this time, led Onesimus to salvation in Christ. (See Acts 28:30-31.) And it wasn't long before Onesimus realized that as a new Christian he was responsible to return to Philemon and get things cleared up. And this should be the pattern in our lives as well!
Becoming a Christian leads to being a Christian. Picking up the pieces from our past mistakes to the best of our abilities is an obligation we all have as Christians. Obviously, there may be some "burned bridges" that cannot be reclaimed or repaired, but we should do our best to restore what we have messed up. We should pay back debts that we owe. We should apologize to people we have wronged. We should sacrifice time and money to help those we have hurt.
We don't need to carry this policy to ridiculous extremes, such as apologizing to everyone who ever crossed our minds in a negative way. But let's not go to the other extreme, and think that when we become Christians all former mistakes are entirely erased, and we can forget the past completely. It’s true that God completely forgives all our sin and we have a brand new life in Christ, but we’re not completely free from the effects of our past sins and former lives. We have an obligation to straighten out the problems we have caused, if at all possible. In fact, as forgiven sinners with new life in Christ, we are more responsible than ever to go back and make things right to the best of our ability. The good news is that now, enabled by the power of the Holy Spirit, we not only have the will to do it, but the strength to do it as well.
As he returned to Colossae to deal with his past mistakes, Onesimus had the moral support of Tychicus, who was charged with delivering Paul’s letters to the churches of Ephesus and Colossae. (See Colossians 4:7-9 and Ephesians 6:21-22.) Tychicus was a more mature believer, and he was able to encourage Onesimus along the way. Certainly our Lord will do this for us as well. God provides moral strength and the support of other believers when we go back and try to make right whatever we did wrong.
As Onesimus journeyed with Tychicus to Colossae, he too was carrying a special letter. This letter was addressed personally to Philemon. It was written by the apostle Paul, and it was filled with positive speaking! This letter became the book of Scripture we now know as "Philemon." In the letter, Paul's positive speaking to Philemon can be categorized under three subheadings.
Relationship
First there is positive speaking about their relationship. In verse 1, Paul referred to Philemon as his “beloved brother.” Philemon was not only a brother in Christ; he was a beloved brother. Paul said that, as a beloved brother, Philemon had brought him great joy and comfort (v7). Philemon was the kind of Christian that you like to be around and have around. Sometimes it’s hard to call the Christians around us “beloved brothers”! Sometimes they’re unthankful, insensitive, take us for granted, and monopolize our time. If only there were more Philemons!
The point here, of course, is that Paul was not telling other Christians that Philemon had brought him joy and comfort as a beloved brother - he was telling Philemon himself! That's positive speaking. Paul knew that positive speaking about their relationship would go a long way toward moving Philemon to do what was proper with Onesimus - especially when Paul referred to his relationship with Onesimus: "my very heart" (v12).
Paul described Philemon as a fellow worker (v1) and partner (v17). Although Philemon was not with Paul in Rome, and he was not part of Paul's immediate missionary team, Paul linked Philemon with himself as a fellow worker and partner. Most likely the church at Colossae was established during Paul's extended period of ministry in Ephesus during his third missionary journey, and it was at this time that he worked closely with Philemon. (See Acts 19:9-10.)
However, when Paul referred to Philemon as his fellow worker and partner, he not only had their past relationship in mind, but their present relationship as well. The church at Colossae was meeting in Philemon's home, so Paul and Philemon were fellow workers and partners in their mutual concern and prayers for the spiritual growth of those believers. As Paul wrote directly to Philemon about this important relationship, once again he used positive speaking. This is the kind of communication that will motivate a person - in the 1st century or in the 21st century! This is biblical friendly persuasion. When he realized that Paul considered him a fellow-worker and partner, it would have been hard for Philemon not to follow Paul's wishes to accept Onesimus "as you would me" (v17).
Reputation
Paul used positive speaking about Philemon's reputation. Paul commended Philemon for his faith and love (v5-7). Philemon’s faith and love were focused in the Lord Jesus, evidenced by Philemon's care and concern for the believers. Paul was able to say that the hearts of the believers had been refreshed through Philemon (v7). What an outstanding reputation! Could the same be said of us? If our faith and love is focused in Christ vertically, it should spill out horizontally in our faith and love toward His people. What kind of reputation do we have with fellow believers?
Because the idea of faith directed towards the saints sounds a little strange, some Christians have interpreted verse 5 as meaning our faith is directed toward Christ, and our love is directed toward the saints. (See Colossians 1:4.) But in the overall context of positive speaking with Philemon, Paul probably meant that Philemon's love and faith were directed first towards the Lord Jesus, and then towards the believers.
But how does a Christian direct faith toward fellow believers? We demonstrate faith in our fellow believers when we accept them, put our confidence in them, and trust them, . Other Christians are encouraged to grow and to use their spiritual gifts when we show faith in them. Philemon had a reputation for doing this, and Paul reminded him of it. This positive speaking would have had the effect of inducing Philemon to show the same kind of faith towards a new fellow believer - Onesimus.
In fact, it seems that Paul was hinting at this very point in verse 6. If Philemon was mature in his knowledge and understanding of his spiritual blessings in Christ, then his faith would be demonstrated by accepting believers like Onesimus. Paul wasn’t asking Philemon to risk a leap of faith, but rather put a reasonable faith in Onesimus. After all, since his conversion Onesimus had proved himself faithful to the apostle Paul, and Paul himself was vouching for him! Placing a reasonable faith in a fellow believer is a challenge for us, just as it was for Philemon. When we actively trust fellow Christians, there may be times when we get burned. But let's not use that as a reason to squash the spiritual growth of other believers by failing to place a reasonable trust in them.
While verse 6 refers to Philemon's reputation of faith towards the saints, verse 7 has to do with his reputation of love. We don't know what kindness Philemon had shown, but they must have been well known. Epaphras had come from Colossae and was now with Paul in Rome, and most likely he had told Paul about Philemon's acts of Christian love (v23 & Colossians 1:7-8).
Furthermore, Onesimus himself had probably backed up what Epaphras reported about Philemon’s character and deeds. If his master's reputation was tarnished in any way, Onesimus would have been quick to point it out to Paul. If we were in Philemon's position, what would a runaway slave report about our reputation? In fact, it may have been Philemon's outstanding reputation for deeds of kindness that laid the foundation for Onesimus' conversion in Rome. What a model for us to follow! How many people will be in heaven because our reputation laid a foundation for their conversion?
When Paul reminded Philemon of his excellent record of love for the saints, he was involved in effective friendly persuasion. Positive speaking about his reputation would surely inspire Philemon to show the same kind of love to a new servant named Onesimus. Have you ever tried motivating people to do the right thing by reminding them first of their past deeds of kindness? Try it. It works!
Righteousness
A third category of positive speaking was Philemon's righteousness. The reference to righteousness here, of course, is not Philemon's position in Christ, but rather his lifestyle as a Christian. Paul was confident that Philemon would do the right thing (v8,21). In fact, he was persuaded that Philemon would spontaneously (v14) do more for Onesimus than Paul had even suggested (v21)! Although there’s no direct mention in the text of releasing Onesimus from slavery, it doesn't take much reading between the lines to see that Paul was hoping Philemon would give Onesimus his freedom. In fact, it seems that Paul was not opposed to having Philemon send Onesimus back to Rome to help Paul in the ministry (v11-14)!
In any case, Paul's positive speaking to Philemon about his righteousness would undoubtedly have prompted Philemon to welcome Onesimus back, "no longer as a slave, but more than a slave" (v16). And when we encourage our fellow believers by mentioning that w appreciate their righteous lifestyle, it’s hard for them not to do the right thing! That’s biblical friendly persuasion.
Paul's appeal was also on the basis of his age (v9), and his imprisonment (v9), and even the fact that he hoped to pay Philemon a visit when he was released (v22)! However, Paul's main basis of appeal throughout the letter was made though positive speaking. The letter of Philemon is thus a biblical model of friendly persuasion.
Do you know any fellow believer in your church or fellowship group who needs to be motivated or encouraged to do what's right? Try positive speaking!
- Dave Reid